These days I am becoming increasingly afraid of my phone. It seem every week I receive some bad news about a shocking incident or another. Each time I think ‘there can’t be anything worse than this’ something even more tragic happens. Life is really changing around me. It isn’t the same as it used to be when I was growing up and the nature of death, sadly, is becoming more and more devastating and unimaginably grotesque.
This week I learned of a distant relative going through one of the most disturbing and tragic incidents I have ever come to know. As a parent I am constantly fearful of my children’s health and safety. Not a moment goes by during my day when I am not concerned about the welfare of my children. To lose your baby, and that too at the hands of someone who you thought you could trust is something I cannot comprehend. The pain, the suffering, the shock. It is something I hope and pray no parent goes through. But these days it seems that death is becoming ever more violent and alarming. Little babies and children who dress themselves for a lovely day at school walk into a caring environment expecting nothing but happiness and fun. Their curious little minds were built for learning and joy. Babies who are left in their care of nannies, au pairs and childminders don’t ever leave their parents without a struggle. Every parent I have spoken to who has left their child with a nanny (so that they could work, mainly) has told me how utterly difficult it is and how emotionally upset they feel at having to impose separation on their child at such a young age. Parents leave their most prized possession in the trust of someone else. A baby goes to this person hoping for love, expecting nothing but care. They don’t go to be abused, hurt, upset, or worse, brutally murdered.
What is happening to the world? There is something seriously wrong with the world we live in when it’s not burglars and car thieves, bank robbers and terrorists that we need to be afraid of, but the people we are voluntarily asking to help look after our family and paying them to do so. Are people becoming so deranged that even the crying of a year old baby is enough to tick them off, sending them into fury and an abusive killing spree?
Truth be told my phone is simply the messenger through which this bad news seems to trickle into my life every week, making me wonder how long I have got, or worse, for how long my children are with me. I am under no illusion that life will always be the same, my family will remain happy forever. I try to be realistic and prepare my mind for the worst to come, but no amount of preparation of realistic mind can ever prepare you for the shock of losing a child. Unfortunately the sorry nature of the world these days means that some of us will have to. God forbid any of you ever have to go through anything remotely like this.
Pray for those around you and those who aren’t for we are completely bound by our fate, living in a bizarre world where war zones are protected and the innocent are left unprotected.
Rest in peace little souls who have departed. You are in a sanctuary now where no one can hurt you.
This weekend has got to have been one of the most tiring weekends of my life. While my other half went away for the weekend I was left alone with our (near) three year old daughter and three month old baby boy. And it was hard. Hard, hard, hard. To tell the truth I only had to spend one night on my own without anyone (which, by the way wasn’t terribly difficult) and I did have adult company around me most of the time, but I honestly haven’t a clue how single parents do it all by themselves. I had already planned quite a few ‘fun’ activities; slumber party with the cousins, movie night, golfing, spending time with the grandparents, etc., but it just wasn’t the same without their Dad. I don’t think it ever is the same when one parent is missing.
Today I had a family friend of the in-laws come over for tea / late lunch, and her lifestyle was a bit of an eye-opener for me. Single parent, one daughter, working all hours, totally dependent on childminders, and barely any family members to ask for support. Her daughter was totally reliant on her and expected (quite rightly so) her mother’s undivided devotion. Consumed by guilt that the absence of a father or male role model may lead to an inadequately adjusted young girl, this family friend had perhaps over-compensated her love towards her daughter (if there ever were such a thing as to overcompensate a parent’s love towards their child); the little girl was attached to the extent of burdensome. It suddenly dawned upon me how naive and cocooned I have been for such a long time. Life is so unimaginably difficult for so many families out there and yet somehow, even with family surrounding me completely I can sometimes become so restricted in my view that I can’t see beyond my own little world to realise how utterly insignificant and trivial my so-called ‘problems’ can be. I felt bad for her, and yet in a way I felt very grateful that I still have so many people I can talk to and rely on. People who love me and my children very much and who I can trust to help out as often as I like.
I have suddenly have a new found respect for all lone parent families. I salute you all. What you bring to society is immeasurable, and I truly hope that your children take care of you in the same way you have looked after them.
My little H, my gorgeous Z and I had a good day today - first time being alone in a LONG time and we are finally establishing some kind of routine. I had a friend visit today and it was refreshing to see I’m not the only one finding two kids a bit of a struggle! Z (my two-should-be-twenty-year-old) has become a rather inquisitive and talented little girl. We did painting today and she drew her first ever smiley face (pic to be posted shortly!) H on the other hand has not been doing so well, recovering from the side-effects of having had his jabs yesterday. I don’t know about anyone else but being a second time mum doesn’t necessarily make things easier. Every child is unique and every experience you have with them brings a new feeling. I guess this time around is special for me in it’s own little way, and I’m enjoying every minute of it (screaming babies and all!)